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New Contract

It would appear the following are part of our new contract, please note for future reference.

SICKDAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are
able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider
removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July
1 and Dec. 25.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement
is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through
you lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your
own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:20,
employees whose names being with "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on.

If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes
again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors in writing
must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people
will get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch because that's all the time they need to drink a slim fast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes and
carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do no need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's,
or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Management