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13 Mistakes Made by Dumb Kidnappers

13> "OK, but make the check out to 'Jonathan Zimmerman.' That's Z-I-M-M-E-R-M-A-N."

12> Kidnapping Simon Cowell only to have him criticize the ransom note.

11> Providing all released hostages with souvenir T-shirts reading "I survived Cletus Sackwright's Hostige Takin and all I got was this lowsy T-shirt!" along with a computer-generated picture of the kidnapper's smiling face.

10> Mailing their own severed ears as proof they mean business.

9> Agreeing to have the entire ordeal filmed for a new reality show.

8> Demanding Bill Cosby pay them $3 million in small, unmarked bills for the safe return of Autumn Jackson.

7> "Canadian dollars? Sure, what's the difference?"

6> Only taking one of those 15 kids from that Arkansas woman.

5> "It's called kidNAPping because you have to wait for the kid to go to sleep before you can grab him."

4> Asking for "seventeen bucks -- in large bills."

3> Answering the detective's question with "No, I haven't seen Billy since he was walking home from school alone through the dark alley behind the abandoned warehouse on Tuesday."

2> Kidnapping Pat Sajak and demanding the ransom be paid in vowels.

1> "Dear Mr. Clinton. We have your wife...."