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Accept Spam Mail

I have decided to accept spam into my life. Why? Because every morning when I arrive at work, my mail is filled with praise and hope for the future:

I am pre-approved for loans because of my excellent credit

I am a trusted business partner to many rich African businessmen

I can always start a new business at home and be rich

The size of my ""package"" is under my control, were it to be deficient

I have many opportunities for college loans at my disposal

Any time I want I could make a killing in the stock market trough special knowledge shared personally with me by someone who trusts me with it

I can stop me or my spouse from snoring should it become a problem

Someone has enough faith in my linguistic skills to think I can understand ?_?????????'?????

My credit record can be wiped clean (although how this works with pre-approved loans is a mystery -- maybe they wiped it clean for me already?)

There are so many bright and hopeful messages for me that I feel validated as a person and can face the rest of my squalid, nasty existence with cheer and vigor, knowing that the next day I will be uplifted again.